Saturday, September 23, 2006

Whoopee



So here we are facing the possibility unique in our 100-year history, of governing Britain for forever.


Never done it before.


Never debated it before.


Never imagined it before.


Progressive parties, like the Labour Party, rarely fail because they are too long in office or the odd slaughter here and there.
Fairness, justice, solidarity, opportunity for us and bombs and bullets for them.
These are the impulses of any decent human spirit.
No. We almost always fail when we don't foresee the future in which the likes of Gordon will want to take over.
So I have decided to stay in power forever and herby declare Martial Law and the suspension of parliament for the time being.
My staying requires steadfast conviction.
But the future requires restless courage to know and act upon the coming reality, however hard the challenge it holds.
And when the two, conviction and courage, combine their strength and take on the challenges, they beat them and in time what was a challenge, becomes part of the new consensus.
My new ‘President for Life’ status will shortly be the new consensus.
Reflect on the things once the passionate subject of controversy, people no longer talk about.
Remember the march against my genocide in Iraq?
No one talks of that now.
In two weeks time no one will talk about my coup.
If they do, Scarlett has camps set up to re-educate them.
Who did it? The British people, by voting for me.
There are people who a decade ago could tell you of a boring two party system where interest rates were double what they are today, of homes repossessed, of families who didn't know from one week to the next where the mortgage payments were going to come from.
But who talks of boom and bust economics today?
Who did it? The British people by voting for me.
When did you last hear of pensioners freezing to death in the cold because they couldn't afford the heating?
Well, they’ll be back with a vengeance cause we need to get rid of all those old fogies.
But they used to wake up every morning, didn't they?
Not any more.
And remember when to be in favour of gay rights was to be a loony leftie, race relations was political correctness, and Red Ken frightened people even as brave as your own leadership?
Now everyone in my cabinet will have to bend over.
So many things that used to divide our country bitterly, now unite it in healthy consensus.
Who did it? The British people, by voting for me.
Or when the next election comes in the third millennium, will they say Labour can't run the economy; there'll be a run on the markets; that Labour can't defend Britain or won't support the police?
“No”, my grandchildren will say
“Labour is working”.
“Britain is working”.
“Heil Blair and New labour”.
Off the mike---“Scarlett---arrest everyone here”.

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