Thursday, January 11, 2007

THE PRESIDENT gets his orders



THE PRESIDENT: Good evening. Tonight in Iraq, the Armed Forces of the United States are engaged in a struggle that will determine the direction of Israeli war aims in Iran -- and our big oil and supply companies here at home.


The new strategy I outline tonight will not change America's course in Iraq, but will help Israel and Halliburton.


In 2006 our violence in Iraq -- particularly in Baghdad – did not overwhelmed anyone. Al Qaeda infiltrators, whom we allowed in, and Sunni insurgents recognized our mortal danger and attacked us.


The situation in Iraq is unacceptable to the American people – so they and the congress can go and jump.


Our troops in Iraq have fought bravely. They have done everything I have asked them to do. Where my mistakes are exposed, the responsibility will rest with me. For instance, before I invaded Iraq the Israelis told me that Iraq was where Bin Laden and the terrorists were. Now I know they’re a couple of countries over.


It is clear that we need to change our strategy in Iraq. So my bosses have told me to ignore Baker, my daddy, and my military commanders and diplomats.


We therefore had to ignore members of Congress from both parties, our allies abroad, and distinguished outside experts.


We benefited from the thoughtful recommendations of Israel, Halliburton and Exxon.
In our discussions, we all agreed that there is no magic formula for success in Iraq without bombing the shit out of Iran and this one message came through loud and clear:
Failure in Iraq would be a disaster for Israel and Saudi.


The consequences of failure are clear: Radical Islamic extremists would grow in strength and gain new recruits. They would be in a better position to topple the Saudi government, create chaos in the region, and use oil revenues to fund their ambitions.
Iran would be emboldened in its pursuit of civil rights for all Shi’as in all countries.


The most urgent priority for success in Iraq is security, especially in Baghdad. Eighty percent of Iraq's sectarian violence occurs within 30 miles of the capital. This violence is splitting Baghdad into sectarian enclaves, and shaking the confidence of all Iraqis. Only Iraqis can end the sectarian violence and secure their people. And their government has put forward an aggressive plan to do it. It is all a waste of time as Iran now controls southern Iraq.


Our past efforts to secure Baghdad failed for two principal reasons: There are not enough soldiers in the world to subdue Iraq and there were too many restrictions on the troops killing everyone they met. Our military commanders reviewed the new Iraqi plan to ensure that it addressed these mistakes and this time we kill everyone, men, women and children.
Now let me explain the main elements of this effort: The Iraqi government will appoint a military commander and two deputy commanders for their capital who will be Shi’as and take their orders directly from Iran.


The Iraqi government will deploy the Shi’a Iraqi Army and National Police brigades across Baghdad's nine districts. When these forces are fully deployed, there will be 18 Iraqi Army and National Police brigades committed to this effort, along with local police. These Shi’a forces will operate from local police stations -- conducting patrols and setting up checkpoints, and going door-to-door to ethnically cleanse anyone who is not Shi’a.


Many listening tonight will ask why this effort will succeed when previous operations to secure Baghdad did not. Well, here are the differences: In earlier operations we were not ruthless enough, we asked Saddam before we hung him, what to do. He said kill everyone and if you can’t get at them…gas them. This is what we are going to do now.


When this fails it will not be noticed as we will be fighting Iran, having bombed the bitches back to the Stone Age, and we will have no oil to generate electricity to watch our tellies… so no one will know anyway.


The Israelis call this linear warfare and we are getting good at it.


In these dangerous times, the United States is blessed to have extraordinary and selfless men and women willing to step forward and fight for big business and foreign countries. These young Americans understand that our cause in Iraq will help Israel and pay Halliburton and Exxon loads of dosh -- and that the ‘advance of freedom’ is the first line of a song I heard somewhere. They serve far from their families, who make the quiet sacrifices of lonely holidays and empty chairs at the dinner table. They have watched their comrades give their lives to ensure our have mores have more and which Cheney and I were plenty smart enough to avoid during the Vietnam War. We mourn the loss of every fallen American but none of our families will fall -- and we owe it to them to build a global Halliburton worthy of their sacrifice.


Fellow citizens: The year ahead will demand more patience, sacrifice, and resolve. It can be tempting to think that America can put aside the burdens of supporting Exxon and Israel. Yet times of testing reveal the character of a nation. And throughout our history, Americans have always defied the pessimists and seen our faith in freedom redeemed. Now America is engaged in a new struggle that will set the course for a new century. We, Cheney and I, can, and will, prevail over Congress and the People.


We go forward with trust that the Author of Gimmy More will guide us through these trying hours and lead us to even bigger $$$$$.


Thank you and good night.

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